EMDR Therapy: Questions to Ask Before You Start
Thinking about EMDR therapy? Questions worth asking before you start
By Eve McIntyre, CBT Psychotherapist and EMDR Therapist
If you're curious about EMDR therapy but not sure whether it's for you, you're in good company. Maybe a friend mentioned it, you've seen it online, or someone told you it's "the thing for trauma". And maybe you're a bit wary too, wondering what it actually involves and whether you'd be comfortable doing it.
That makes sense. Choosing a therapy, and a therapist, is a big decision, and if you're used to handling things on your own, handing over any part of that can feel strange. Asking questions isn't a sign you're hesitating or being difficult. It's a sensible way to begin. Here are the questions I'd encourage you to ask any EMDR therapist in an initial consultation, including me.
What is EMDR therapy?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a structured therapy that helps your brain work through distressing experiences that still feel stuck or current. It uses a specific protocol alongside bilateral stimulation (such as guided eye movements), at a pace agreed between you and your therapist.
EMDR follows eight phases. These are the three that matter most when you're deciding whether to start:
History taking and treatment planning: building a shared understanding of your experience and identifying what to work on.
Preparation: the priority here is safety and emotional stability. We build trust, develop relaxation and grounding techniques, and check whether there's enough safety to begin processing memories. It's natural to spend several sessions here, and to return to it later.
Processing: assessing a specific memory (the emotions, disturbance and meaning attached to it), desensitising so your brain can process it, installing a positive belief about yourself in relation to the experience, a body scan to notice any remaining discomfort, and closure to help you feel grounded and settled at the end of the session. Later sessions also include a re-evaluation to review how things are going.
I can't promise what EMDR will do for you, and a good therapist won't either. What I can do is explain the process so you can decide whether it feels right for you.
What will the first EMDR sessions look like?
My first session is usually an assessment. I'll ask you about your lifestyle and relationships, we'll look through some questionnaires together, and we'll explore how things are affecting you day to day. You don't need to have it all worked out beforehand. We start with a broad lens and gradually zoom in over the following sessions on what to work on together. We won't start any processing in this session.
The same is true for an EMDR intensive: we begin with a dedicated 1.5 hour assessment session.
How do weekly sessions differ from an EMDR intensive?
Both start with an assessment, and both move at a pace we agree together. Weekly therapy runs in regular 50-minute sessions, with time between them to settle and reflect. An intensive uses longer blocks (a 1.5 hour assessment, then three 2.5 hour sessions), which suits some people who'd rather concentrate their time. Neither is better or faster in itself. It depends on your history, your circumstances and what feels manageable.
How will you help me feel steady before we start processing?
Preparation isn't a delay or a hurdle. It's part of the work, and it's often where people discover resources they didn't know they had.
It's also fine to say "I'm not ready yet". A good therapist will respect that. And sometimes the timing, or what's going on in your life, means a different approach, or some groundwork first, is the kinder option, so it's worth asking whether anything makes EMDR less suitable for you right now.
How many EMDR sessions will I need?
It depends on your history, what you're working on, and how steady things feel. A good therapist will explain what shapes the answer rather than giving you a promise.
It's also worth asking:
What might I feel during and between sessions? Processing can bring up emotions, memories, physical sensations or tiredness. Knowing this in advance makes it less likely to catch you off guard.
How will we know whether it's helping? Ask how progress is reviewed, and what happens if things don't shift the way you'd hoped. Honest therapists talk about the process, not guarantees.
Who sets the pace, and what if it feels like too much?
Can I pause or stop at any point? The answer should be a clear yes.
Who sets the pace? It should be shared, and you should feel able to say "slower" or "I need a break".
How will we check in during a session? You should know what to do if something feels like too much, and your therapist should have a plan for this before you begin.
What's the arrangement for contact between sessions? It helps to be clear about this from the start.
What does aftercare look like? This matters particularly after longer sessions, when it helps to have time and space to recover.
Practical questions
It's reasonable to ask about training and accreditation, which professional body regulates your therapist and what ethical standards they follow, professional indemnity insurance and DBS clearance, and fees, session lengths and cancellation arrangements. These aren't awkward questions, and a good therapist will be glad you asked.
Something I notice in the therapy room
One of the most common questions I'm asked is, "How many sessions will I need?" Often, underneath it is another question: "How quickly can this stop hurting?"
That's completely understandable. When you've been carrying something heavy, and especially if you're used to coping well and getting things done, wanting to move straight to the hard part can feel like the sensible thing to do. If you can just get through it, surely it will be over sooner.
What I've noticed, though, is that the urge to rush can sometimes be a way of trying to solve the feeling rather than be with it, so that it stops being so uncomfortable as quickly as possible. And in my experience, the people who most want to move fast are often the ones who benefit from slowing down first.
That's where stabilisation comes in. It isn't a waiting room before the "real" work. It's where you build the ability to stay steady when things get intense, and where we learn what you need in order to feel safe enough to go there. For many people, that is the work, or at least a big part of it.
If you notice that urgency in yourself, it's not something to be ashamed of. It's useful information, and something we can get curious about together.
Questions to ask yourself
What am I hoping for from therapy?
What support do I have around me right now?
How do I usually respond when things feel intense? Do I push through, or switch off?
Is this a time in my life when I have the space to do this work?
There are no right or wrong answers. But if you tend to be the capable one who copes, it can help to notice whether you're ready to go at a steady pace, rather than all at once.
How I approach EMDR
In my practice, nothing happens without you knowing what's happening and why. We take our time getting to know what you're dealing with, and we make sure you have ways to feel steady before we do any processing. You're in charge of the pace, and you can ask questions at any point, whether that's before we begin or halfway through.
EMDR isn't the right fit for everyone, and it isn't always the right fit straight away. If we decide together that something else, or some preparation first, makes more sense, that's a perfectly good place to start.
If you'd like to talk it through
If you're thinking about EMDR therapy and would like to bring your questions to a conversation, you're welcome to get in touch. I work online across the UK and in person from Wellington, Somerset, offering both weekly therapy and EMDR intensives.
Or email me: adaptivecbt_with_eve@outlook.com
This post is general information and isn't a substitute for an individual assessment. I'm a BABCP-accredited CBT Psychotherapist and an EMDR Europe accredited EMDR therapist, and I work within BABCP professional and ethical standards.
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